Wednesday, November 5, 2014
School - Working things out in my mind
I've been pretty distant from WoW lately. But I also know that I've been fairly busy with this thing called a college education. I still can't believe how long it took for me to become an English major but I love it. Sure it's a lot of writing... and more writing... and research but this semester has been a blast. There's a literary conference being held at my school this year and I've been selected to present two papers! One is an analysis of a production of Shakespeare's play The Tempest that was performed at a local theater and the other is a piece of creative fiction. I'm so excited and so nervous about it! But school, in general, has been awesome. I'll admit that I haven't always been the best student. I have struggled though semesters and classes while trying to find the right fit that it still seems so odd to be doing great. I've been working on the school paper and the professor in charge is determined to get me to return next semester. While it was a fun experience, the idea of returning makes me cringe. My advisor told me to feel flattered that this professor thinks I'm doing well but to not feel any pressure to join again. I've also been thinking about the courses that I have to take next semseter. The one is dependent on passing this lit crit class that I'm currently in. My advisor tells me that I have no excuse not to pass it. She's right but I still have that feeling that I'm going to fail. That I'm going to wake up and this semester will have just been a dream. And it sometimes seems so unreal the amount of support that I have. I no longer need to make a regular appointment at the learning center since I've long since gotten off of academic probation but it's a net that I don't want to let go of. And I think it's something that more students should be pushed to do! Maybe not all the time but for big projects, having someone who will discuss stories, help clarify thoughts, go over processes, proofread, encourage, and demand that you meet deadlines helps tremendously. There's a student that I'm friends with who, I sometimes get the feeling that she resents my grades. She's always asking what I got on papers, tests, and whatnot. It's no secret that I go to the learning center once a week. But when we had to peer-review papers and the student who read me handed my paper back and said it was awesome this other student said "of course it is, she took it to the learning center." I don't know how I'm supposed to respond to something like that. It almost made me feel like I had done something wrong. But the learning center is a resource that all students can utilize. But I don't think enough of them do. I think, at first, I didn't like going to the learning center because I thought it made me seem stupid. But than I realized that my terrible grades definitely didn't help my case either. It's hard, sometimes to not be concerned with what others think. But I also know that what I'm doing right now works for me. I love living on campus, in a single room, even if the dorm I'm in is supposedly haunted. I like being able to just roll out of bed, throw on my flip-flops and walk to class. I should enjoy this while I can. This won't be what life is like outside of college. I only have another year of enjoying this. As to what I'll be doing next. Goodness, I have no idea. It took forever before I could decide on a major, how in the hell am I ever going to figure out life after college? Heh, but I have learned how to accept when something isn't working and to keep looking until I find something that does.