I've seen better days

Jeez, time flies when you least expect it. I keep swearing I will be a better poster but than I let months go by. But those months definitely weren't the kindest to me either. 

My last post was shortly after my gallbladder surgery and probably around the time I was just starting a new treatment for my wegner's. I was also started on an antidepressant to help control the mood swings that the prednisone was giving me. At first, things seemed to be going alright but after a few weeks I was feeling really tired and my stomach was getting upset. Than, I noticed that I was looking a bit yellow. A trip to the emergency room and they confirmed that I was jaundiced. They didn't want to treat me at my local hospital but sent me by ambulance to the University hospital. I was there for almost a week and got to celebrate Thanksgiving at the hospital. It was definitely memorable. The doctors decided the jaundice was caused by one of the two medicines but they weren't sure which one so they stopped them both.

I then had to wait several weeks before I could try any new medications. I was given another medicine to try for my mood swings but after less than a week, I was heading to bed and felt really lightheaded and then my legs began to twitch and than my arms until my ankle bent and I fell down. It was really painful. The next day, my mom insisted that I get my ankle looked at and it was broken. The doctor decided that it would be best to put a plate on my ankle so that it could also be put back into the correct place. So, January 15th, the day before my birthday, I had surgery on my ankle. 

Last week, I was told that I no longer needed to use a boot for walking. It's nice to no longer have a cast, crutches, or the boot.

I've three weeks ago, I also started my newest treatment for Wegner's. It's a drug that's given though an IV. It requires a long three hour wait at the doctor's office, but I've found it's a good place to get a good bit of cross-stitching done and I get to watch a tv that has more than 3 channels. 

I have not been playing much WoW recently. I feel rather worn-out. Even though this stuff has happened a few months ago now, I'm still meddling though each day, trying to keep functioning with all these different chemicals working their way though me. I'm also taking classes part-time. I'm really glad I'm not full-time because I've been tired quite a bit and my ability to focus is still really shattered from the prednisone I'm taking. 

Sometimes I feel like I blog more about all the health crap I'm dealing with than about WoW. But that's alright. This blog is, first and foremost, for me and I'm not currently concerned with my favorite game so I don't have much to say about it but that can't be said about my health. 

Either way, I'm still around. I might feel like curling up into a tight ball in a corner and building a wall around myself to keep everyone else out, but I'm trying to work though it. Just one step at a time.

Still here

It's been a long few months. I've mostly been out for medical reasons and I even had my first and second hospital stays. So a bit of a convoluted explanation about what's been up.

I had mentioned two years ago that I had some pain in my side and at first the doctors thought the problem was my gallbladder and it should be removed but later decided that my gallbladder was fine. Well, this summer my side was hurting again but only if pressure was put on it and I also wasn't eating very well. There were quite a few foods I couldn't even think of eating without feeling nauseous, although I did regret that hamburgers were on that list of foods I didn't want to touch. I had touched base earlier that summer with my primary doctor and mentioned the pain in my side and she thought it could be my gallbladder and asked if I wanted to get it checked out. I declined at that time because it wasn't really bothering me. Unfortunately when I was at another doctor's office to get the ringworm my cat so generously shared with me checked out I threw up in her wastebasket. I agreed to go get checked out because it's not every day that I manage to have two nurses and a doctor all worried, although they did thank me for at least keeping my mess contained. Anyway, tests came back, and the doctor was confident that I had gallstones and my gallbladder needed to come out. Oddly enough, I think everyone else was more worried about this news than I was. I think it's because I had come to terms with removing my gallbladder two years ago. I will admit that I was skeptical about if it really would come out because I had been down this path before. Anyway, saw the surgeon and surgery was scheduled for about two weeks later on September 15.

 That was the rather ordinary news. As the date for surgery came closer I noticed that I was having trouble breathing at night if I shifted a certain way. Eventually I couldn't lie down without gasping for air, so my mom insisted I go to the emergency room on September 10. What they found was some swelling around my heart and a bit around my lungs. I was admitted to the hospital and at first they thought it was pneumonia but the other doctors quickly ruled that out and brought in my rheumatologist who keeps tabs on my Wegener's. But since my breathing became better after getting painkillers, I think it became less important than making sure I was ready for surgery on the 15th. That mostly meant keeping a watch on my vitals, vitamins, etc. My potassium, which I have had trouble with all summer, was rather low so they gave me some by IV, which stung like hell. Anyway, the surgery was rather anti-climatic. Went well, no problems, healed well, and since it was laprascopic, only had a few small cuts, of which only one really stung and of course it was that cut that the cat would insist on stepping on whenever he wants a cuddle.

I went home the 17th, but I was only home a few days when I began having trouble with my breathing again so I went back to the emergency room where they ran the same tests again and found the swelling around my heart and lungs once more. So I got more painkillers. Anyway, my rheumatologist told me that they suspect that my Wegener's was returning and rather than attack my sinuses and joints like it had before, this time it was after organs. So back on high dosages of predinsone and a new drug, called cytoxin.

But things have been pretty good since than. I did have to withdraw from school for the semester because I had missed so much class because of my illness but it's probably just as well, since I don't think I would have been able to deal with classes since I was on a large dose of predinsone. Basically the predinsone causes mood swings, lack of focus, ravenous hunger, among other things. I've basically haven't felt up to writing anything, or reading anything that requires too much attention, or really much of anything. I have been playing a little bit of WoW, mostly just logging on for raiding. My guild has progressed to heroics and killed about half of the bosses. I would really like to get Archimonde before legions. I know there's plenty of time, but I wonder if I should be looking for a group that would take me. I do worry about finding a group because my monk is a tank and I don't really know how to dps or heal with her, which could make getting into a pug group rather difficult. But I'm sure I could do it since I feel more focused since my prednisone dosages has been cut down quite a bit since September. I think I was on 60 when I left the hospital and I'm currently on 20. It's still quite a bit but I'm excited about having it cut back.

mental wonderings

I was reading Navi's post about creating a Facebook account and it brought about this rather long line of thinking, none of which really relates to Navi's Facebook account but it's what got me started. See, I've had an account on Facebook since 2005, back when only college students were allowed in the cool people's club. Anyway, I was thinking about how my guild made me join their Facebook group and discussion and then gave me crap later for never, ever being on Facebook, posting anything, or using Facebook, ever. I've improved. I now check once, maybe twice a week to catch up on what they've been discussing. But for some reason I found myself considering why I don't use Facebook very often. In the end, my issue is that I like my privacy. When I took the Myers-Briggs personality profile test, I discovered that I was an INFP personality. Basically, I don't open up to others very well. I prefer to keep myself to myself. I don't use Facebook because I do not like the idea of having all these people knowing things about me. I was then hit by the thought about my blog, do I let people know me though my blog? I don't really think that I do. I don't post very often. Usually only when there's some achievement that I completed. I'm more likely to talk about what I do rather than what I think. It's not a bad thing to talk about what I'm doing in game. But I haven't really been doing much in-game and there's not really much to write when all I'm saying is that I managed to complete some task. I'm not too sure I have a point. I know I keep people at a distance. I would like to try and be better about being more personal. This blog is important to me and I would like to be more consistent about posting. I know, I keep saying that and then I'm not, it's about actual doing that rather than wishing that. I'll just say that I'm working on it.

School - Working things out in my mind

I've been pretty distant from WoW lately. But I also know that I've been fairly busy with this thing called a college education. I still can't believe how long it took for me to become an English major but I love it. Sure it's a lot of writing... and more writing... and research but this semester has been a blast. There's a literary conference being held at my school this year and I've been selected to present two papers! One is an analysis of a production of Shakespeare's play The Tempest that was performed at a local theater and the other is a piece of creative fiction. I'm so excited and so nervous about it! But school, in general, has been awesome. I'll admit that I haven't always been the best student. I have struggled though semesters and classes while trying to find the right fit that it still seems so odd to be doing great. I've been working on the school paper and the professor in charge is determined to get me to return next semester. While it was a fun experience, the idea of returning makes me cringe. My advisor told me to feel flattered that this professor thinks I'm doing well but to not feel any pressure to join again. I've also been thinking about the courses that I have to take next semseter. The one is dependent on passing this lit crit class that I'm currently in. My advisor tells me that I have no excuse not to pass it. She's right but I still have that feeling that I'm going to fail. That I'm going to wake up and this semester will have just been a dream. And it sometimes seems so unreal the amount of support that I have. I no longer need to make a regular appointment at the learning center since I've long since gotten off of academic probation but it's a net that I don't want to let go of. And I think it's something that more students should be pushed to do! Maybe not all the time but for big projects, having someone who will discuss stories, help clarify thoughts, go over processes, proofread, encourage, and demand that you meet deadlines helps tremendously. There's a student that I'm friends with who, I sometimes get the feeling that she resents my grades. She's always asking what I got on papers, tests, and whatnot. It's no secret that I go to the learning center once a week. But when we had to peer-review papers and the student who read me handed my paper back and said it was awesome this other student said "of course it is, she took it to the learning center." I don't know how I'm supposed to respond to something like that. It almost made me feel like I had done something wrong. But the learning center is a resource that all students can utilize. But I don't think enough of them do. I think, at first, I didn't like going to the learning center because I thought it made me seem stupid. But than I realized that my terrible grades definitely didn't help my case either. It's hard, sometimes to not be concerned with what others think. But I also know that what I'm doing right now works for me. I love living on campus, in a single room, even if the dorm I'm in is supposedly haunted. I like being able to just roll out of bed, throw on my flip-flops and walk to class. I should enjoy this while I can. This won't be what life is like outside of college. I only have another year of enjoying this. As to what I'll be doing next. Goodness, I have no idea. It took forever before I could decide on a major, how in the hell am I ever going to figure out life after college? Heh, but I have learned how to accept when something isn't working and to keep looking until I find something that does.

Death of a computer and guild news

I was really excited about using vent and being able to play WoW with my guildies during spring break. But on Thursday my laptop died. It had a good run and I really expected something more spectacular for it's demise. It has tried to set itself on fire at least three different times. And each time it's warranty would fix it. But this last time, I dropped it... and accidents aren't covered. To fix it would take over $800. Definitely not worth it.

I suppose I should be glad I did get one last raid in before the death of my laptop. That week we had an announcement from two of our members. They were taking a break. One of them had been pretty sick and needed to take a break to focus on her health and the other was her husband and they were both taking a break to try and save money. I'll still see them hanging around hearthstone and diablo and they say that they plan to be back for WoD.

We were able to get them one last Garrosh kill. It was a pretty awesome battle. We've been stuck tackling heroics and haven't gotten to Garrosh since our first kill. So we were rusty. On the final pull of the night things were going well and when Garrosh was almost dead someone dropped an axe in the middle of the room. I was the only one who was too far away to be killed from it. It was also a good thing that Garrosh had some distance to travel because I managed to eek out the last bit of damage needed for the kill. It's always pretty awesome to be the last one standing. And a pretty good send-off for our two members.

Now we've got to try and find replacements. At least we'll just have to look for dps. Here's hoping things will keep happening.