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Friday, August 2, 2013

Big long post full of boring stuff

It's been two... scratch that three weeks since I've posted something. It's not so much that I've got nothing to say or haven't been up to stuff in wow. I've just been sleeping. Yeah... that sounds pretty sketchy to me too. I've tried to come up with a way to divide things up into a quick catch-up post but since I've reached a point where it's keeping me up all night trying to release all the crap in my brains I figure I should stop with the procrastination and just get to the typing.

So I mention that I've been sleeping when not an insomniac with visions of perfect posts flying though my mind and the reason for that is pretty much medical. It's long complicated crap and a story involving pain in my side, being told I'd have surgery, testing, being directed to another hospital for a second opinion, unfiled paperwork, lots of nagging, and finally another doctor's visit all of which has boiled down to the lovely medical diagnosis of we've decided you don't need surgery! Bad news - we have no idea what's wrong with you. Which leads to more testing which won't be for awhile because the doctor is taking a vacation. Alright, fine, sure people are human. They make mistakes. And I really understand that doctors need vacations just as much as anyone. Probably more. I just feel like I'm in a bit of a funk.

But I'm still not at the part where I've been driven to sleep for 20 hours a day. I'm getting there. About 5.. 6... several years ago I was diagnosed as having Wegener's granulomatosis. Big long fancy word involving all kinds of fun and delightful pain but for the sake of this story I'll try and keep it short. Basically it's incurable but it is treatable. And once treated it can either be gone forever or could reoccur. So I get to make a twice yearly visit to my rheumatologist for bloodwork and just a check to make sure I'm still feeling good. I happened to have a visit right after the visit with the other doctor about why I hurt but no one has any idea why I hurt. So he wanted to hear about it. And he thought he had an idea so sent me a medicine to try. The bad side? The side effects - one of which is drowsiness. I take the medicine and end up sleeping for hours.

So what am I really trying to say? I don't really have a clue. I'm just feeling tired. Not physically tired. Just mentally tired. I hate not knowing what to expect from the coming months. I've also started to feel like I'm hiding something. I haven't really talked much about what's going on. My family knows. There are others too. I guess I just don't want to feel like I can use it for an excuse. The ol' I'm sorry I'm not paying attention to beams, I'm groggy and feel like there's something stabbing me in the back right shoulderblade. I feel like such a whiny bitch when I talk about it. But then there's the fact that no ones knows and I'm keeping this big secret. And I hate that. I've never been too comfortable with secrets or for telling people stuff about myself.

But I'm starting to feel better after getting this off my chest. I feel a bit like I shouldn't post this. After all, I wanted to write about WoW. But... It's my blog. I figure Draynee did a pretty good job explaining it in a post about bananas but I had a thought about it as well. I don't blog about facts and how to get the most dps from your frost death knight. I have a personal blog. It's a way for me to share my thoughts. A way to reach out to others. If no one ever reads it, that's ok. The fact that there are those who do read this floors me. And I suppose in a way this might be a way for others to get to know me. I don't want to keep secrets from people I've now come to consider my friends. It's too hard for me.

I think I've been melodramatic enough for one post. Next one will start catching up on all the stuff that I've been working on in-game.

10 comments:

  1. Unless you are getting paid to write about a certain topic, there is no reason to not write about whatever you want to write about. :)

    If there is anything I can do to help just let me know.


    And in a completely random off topic note - I need your email for guild emails :D

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. Email sent!

      You can remove your addys from the comment if you want :)

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    3. I can't believe I never noticed that I couldn't edit my comments... But I suppose it makes a kind of sense. I'm just going to repost my reply without the email I'm most concerned about. The other one I made more so that anyone who knows me though wow can get ahold of me so I'll leave that one up.

      I figure I've gotten something better then cash or gold and it's some new friends. That being the case I figure I must be on the right track.

      And thanks for the offer. It means a lot to me but there's really not much that can be done.

      My email... I did a bit of looking and I'll have to keep searching about where to send it but I'll just post it here: tyledres@gmail.com

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  2. Now that explains a lot of what you were telling me! But I hope you're going ok! It sounds tough and there's nothing I can do for you on the opposite side of the world, but... well you know what I think of you anyway :)

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    1. Yeah, I don't think I explained myself very well when I talked to you... it's not exactly a short story and it involves a ton of just waiting around. And it's just good to know there's people out there who care.

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  3. What a few weeks you've had! My Mum has something similar to Wegener's, can't remember exactly what, but she has to take immunosuppressives etc. I hope you find out what the mystery main is. Is the new, if drowsy, medication helping?
    As for blogging about this type of stuff. I think it's your blog so you can write what you want! It lets your readers get to know you as a human rather than pixels :)

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    1. More like months. Unfiled paperwork takes time before anyone realizes they never got filed. Despite repeatedly calling in to ask what was going on... ah well. I'm not actually sure if it's helping or I just think it is. Either way I hurt less but it's not gone either.
      And thanks! I do feel like that's really what I wanted to say about this being my blog.

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  4. You should write about anything you want! Well, at least the no surgery part is good and I hope they make progress finding the true culprit.

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    1. I think it'll be pretty ironic if they find the problem only to decide I need surgery. I just wish it didn't take so long between each visit. It seems like months... ok it has been months. 3 closing on 4 months since this started. 2 of those months spent being told by the nurses I just needed to wait and they'll get back to me before someone finally realized something was wrong and discovered the unfiled paperwork. The whole thing just seems like a giant mess

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